new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i barfeds in our rink
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
