How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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