Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
as a side note pls kill me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
