My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
