im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
