Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
