My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
