the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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