it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
