Welp...herpes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember whose house we're in?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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