shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
