don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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