I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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