Sponge bath it is.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
