she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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