i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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