I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
