How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
