..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
