we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
