no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
