Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize