I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
