So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
