What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
