Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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