A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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