I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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