i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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