He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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