I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
