It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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