she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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