I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
