I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
