my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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