Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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