She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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