i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
