it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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