I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
