I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
