I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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