Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just tell him i said nine months
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
