??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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