come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
