Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
