mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
