yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
