we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
