just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
