Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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