I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We have started to decorate penises.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
