I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
