You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
