he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
