I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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