I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
